Keepsake - Week two post two

I have always felt that a place is as beautiful as the time you have spent there...

Along with just the beauty of the place what makes some places more special are the wonderful memories we create while being there.

But this post is not about any place in particular. It’s about how you treasure the memories associated with different places?  Before, I always thought that the photographs are the best memoirs of a place and I never cared to collect any memorabilia of any place I visited. Of course I took hundreds of snaps.

But seeing M collect a souvenir of almost every place he is been to (coffee mugs with a picture of the city on it), I started collecting magnets. And in no time I kind of got hooked to it.

Yes, photographs are still the best way to relive a nice time. But then for that , I really need to open a particular folder on my HD which I don’t unless I am copying some new data etc in there ..You know what I mean right?

Whereas these magnets, they are there on my refrigerator...all the time. So I can just look at a magnet and smile to myself... right there.

Over the time, unknowingly it has now become more like a hobby – collecting the souvenirs I mean. How about you?  

But yes saying that, I do want to add that nothing can take away from the experience that eventually enriches you in a small or big way. Like the parasailing we did in Catalina Islands , or the chopper ride in the Grand Canyon , or the Insanity ride on the 102^nd floor of stratosphere in Vegas , or be it experiencing the night life in Vegas while walking on the strip street with a Margarita, or catching that first glimpse of Mount Rainier after a series of cloudy days in Seattle ,or walking besides the frozen Charles river on a snow laden Boston morning ,or welcoming your birthday on the golden gate or cutting the birthday cake on a sunset at the lake Michigan or catching the rainbow in Niagara …or walking by the river Isar in the suburbs of Munich or taking that gondola ride in the Alps or walking aimlessly in the fog with a bunch of friends and a cup of tea in Matheran  !! I bet no picture or memento can ever capture that  !!

 No doubt, these experiences are by far the best keepsakes …!!

How difficult is it to take things easy? (Week two - post one)

Friday has always been a mystery to me. Every week, I decide to do most of my weekend chores on the Friday evening itself before going to bed. Like doing the laundry, the dishes, grocery shopping for the week, cleaning etc. You think it’s impossible? But we hardly party Friday evenings so in my world that’s very much possible. But no matter how hard my resolve is, it just blows out of the window – like every Friday. Because, with it, Friday brings the mysterious energy to enjoy and relax at the same time. And before I know it, Saturday morning welcomes me with a sink full of dishes.   

But this Saturday, I chose to ignore it – just procrastinate it. With a book at hand, some “That’s 70s show “episodes running on the TV, I tried my best to relax in my recliner.

But I just couldn’t. I had to get up and clean all the mess before I could focus back on my book. The immaculate kitchen makes me feel better.

And this is, trust me, a very relaxed me. Yes, the summer break I talked about in my previous posts – was also about “taking things easy”!!

But I wasn’t always like this. If you saw me in most of my 20s, I was probably the laziest person you could have met – in a way. I could sit in a pile of clothes and study for my exam the next day, or not take shower for 2-3 days in a row – so that I get those extra 10 minutes of studies. In fact even during my Masters, it was no different. And the Chicago winters and a student life in the US did not help either. I mean you really don’t want to know how we survived. With always some or the other assignments to submit or midterms to study for, we hardly cooked, or did our dishes...or our laundry for that matter. You can just forget about how clean our comforters and the sleeping bags were.

I wonder where I got this “now” irritating habit of keeping things clean all the time – irritating because, I just CANNOT do anything else before cleaning the mess. I mean this is a transition from being Rachel to yes being Monica L !

In hindsight, I have stayed with so many roomies.. (I know, I have already mentioned it before in my posts  ...) and I have picked something or the other – good and bad - from all of them. I know though this must be a “good” habit in your dictionary, it’s really coming in my way of “taking things easy... “!

As a digression, I came across an article about the law of averages which said that we are actually the average of five people we most spend our time with. Do you think it’s possible? Are you? I think I am – to a great extent.

But then I believe we all spend different phases of our lives with different sets of people – so that means , at a given phase in life , we are an average of the five people we are most hanging out with then – at that particular time ! So at a different age, we could be an average of a whole lot of varied people. So when we say we are growing up or changing, is it actually because of the people around us – who are a different set now?

But then shouldn’t we also be the average of our own personality over the years? Ahh .. Maybe some fodder to chew on...

Just Another Day (Week one Post Two)

Just sometimes, on those rare mornings,I get up with a “not so good” feeling – for no rhyme or reason. And today’s wasone such morning… a very gloomy one at that. And I knew it wasn’t going to be avery good day either.

I had overslept through all the alarms and the snoozes.  Spilled almost half of the tea when I was away just for a split second - talk about that! Other small things like these piled on which added more to the irritation - for the lack of a better word.

Preoccupied with the thoughts associated to that unsettling feeling, while driving, I almost skipped a pedestrian signal – only to realize that an elderly woman gave me a scornful look while crossing the road on her electric wheelchair giving me a sting of guilt.

Reminding myself to focus, I reached office with a disheartened spirit.

If “not feeling good or happy”was a good enough reason to call a day off, today would have been mine.

Alas, that’s not possible in thereal world!!

Early morning hours are sometimes unusually quiet at my workplace. Usually that haunts me, but today it felt calming.As I settled myself at my desk, in no time work took charge of me. Lots of emails suggesting a lot more work at hand. And as I started working, focusing on each transistor that I was placing, I could not help but listen to the rhythmic clicking of mouse and the tapping of my own keyboard. And to my surprise, the more I focused on the work at hand, the more peaceful and cathartic I felt.

It worked like pranayam on me.Strange but true!!

And now when I look back, it dawns upon me that in all the trying times and the insanity around, it was this work in some or the other form that kept me sane.

 I wish we all could always get to do the work that we really enjoy doing!!!

  

A small milestone

One year went by, just like that! Of innumerable days and uncountable memories. Some significant, others not so much. You make resolutions of which, again you meet some and wish had not made the others. Well, the point is, you do remember certain days and dates sometimes the significant ones and sometimes the not so significant ones too.  I completed one year of work after my Masters this 9^th of August.

I remember this day last year so vividly. Saying bye to M was so tough that I cannot even start to explain. So during this entire year , I got a job , moved to San Diego , changed 3 apartments , made friends, worked on 3 projects , took almost 70 flights (I counted them yesterday) , went to India for K3’s wedding (nopes, this number is not included in that ‘70’), travelled back on OPT (the worst 26 hours of my life ever – well almost !) , M’s parents were here with us for few months so travelled around with them to different places (like Lake Tahoe , SFO , LA , San Diego , Orange County, Seattle , Half Moon Bay etc…. ) .Travelled to Boston and Newyork for K3’s Graduation ceremony. Took another job, moved to a new place. Stayed there for a couple of months, moved to another apartment in the same city. Got a car, learnt how to drive on my own (as in sitting all alone in the car).

All this happened in one year. No, it dint just fly by. It was way too hectic. This year, I actually plan to concentrate on my work. Sleep more, worry less, read and write more, travel less too – yes, I definitely need a break from that.

As a child, I always wanted to grow up to be independent enough to have the freedom of making my own decisions. Little did I know then that with it, comes the responsibility of owing it up. No matter what the outcome is. Yes, after growing up, I wish, I so much wish at times, that why can’t somebody really  decide things for us and own them too. When I took the decision of joining this job, I badly wanted a job. So any job, anywhere on the planet would have sufficed. Probably after that, I have asked this question to M every time before saying a bye, catching that darn flight, whether it was a right decision or not. He always smiles and owns up for it. 

All those who wander arent always lost !!!

A lazy day in a scorching summer once used to be - about eating countless mangoes , about lying on the bare floor to beat the heat and chit- chat for hours together – those sweet nothings !waiting for the “Geeta” ice- cream (for some reason , we used to call it ice-croat ) , plucking the chameli / aboli / paarijaat flowers and discuss the art of making gajras .. , dream of the combination and colors of the bangles you would pick next time the churi-wala comes .. ,oiling the hair and braiding them , waiting for Amma to finish her puja and apply the turmeric – sandal paste on our foreheads , waiting for the entire week for the Ramayana / Mahabharata episodes on the Television – DD :)  ..

There never was a hint of boredom even in the exact sameness of every single day – we were never short of enthusiasm / excitement / fun / creativity – such was the life !!

But this life had a sense of satisfaction – yes at that age I could feel it. No complaints , no expectations , no negativity. No fear , no boredom. There were problems – one of the major being no electricity for 12 hours a day – very famously known as load shedding – but for 12 hours – either day or night ! But that never was a problem – we had other thousand things to do – well more or less the ones that I mentioned above and in one of my previous posts “Rewind" ..

And back to" now " – life has changed diagonally . The hectic routine , living alone , changing jobs, changing places – “I just don’t change my wardrobe anymore – I change my city altogether” is what I can say actually !! Where one goal is achieved by creating the next one – where one idle day would be considered as time killing – where doing nothing has started to leave me with a huge guilt. Surviving in the new place , new job , eternal immigration laws/ forms/ status worries , traveling on every single weekend . Being on the plane would inspire me once – now its started killing me – one emotion at a time.

But this is all we dream about , isn’t it. But the most funny thing about dreams is – you realize you don’t want it anymore / or want something else the moment you get it. I am not complaining – believe me - I am just asking – is this a good place to be at.

Where you just want to be with your family and friends , your loved ones – but all you can do is finding the right time to manage to talk to them.

Change is good but how much change can your brain take ? Cant you have atleast a single day where all you do is nothing !!

On the side note- I am doing good. This space is just pouring out the emotions , right ? And I am going to make this place more honest , more me , more what I think and feel and rather than worrying about who could be reading it ! And , I am on one of those planes – which make me all of this – so bear with it :) !!!

Edited to add : I had written all of the above crap last week – and this week I am on another plane. Nothing really happened between these two flights –so to say – but still a lot has changed.

I could get to see the most splendid view ever through my window enroute SFO – and yes , this certainly is the best place to live (don’t believe me , go ahead and Google it ) – and if I cannot be happy here , then I can never be happy anywhere.

Well , not just that , but a call to Mommy Dear is a solution to all problems – actual , created and fictitious :)

Good Bye SD

Its the last working day at Qcom , San Diego.. a place I worked for over 6months now .. a city where I stayed in for over 6 months now.
But the memories - are so less..
I would still like to keep  that distant day wd M and A from our one day trip to SD in 2008 .. and thats the SD for me forever.

Why ? Lack of time .. with lot of work , the constant shuttling and moving places after every 2 months to get away from not signing the year long lease - the time just flew.
Yes , as we grow up , thats what we say often :) Time flies.

And work wise  - besides getting the glamour of the word QCom on my resume  -everything else was mundane ..
Yes , I met a lot of new ppl , i did draw inspiration from a couple of them , and yes I did learn.
But the excitement was missing - the first job's first day excitement , the first job's last day emotions are all long gone ..
No no - I am not stuck in a certain time warp or a place .. I did njoy my RA ship first day , co-op last day .. but with every transition - it just becomes a routine - with no strings attached.

I got up today morning - and I felt nothing ! Yes , I did check last night if I actually have the offer that I have , that I already sent out my resignation - did all that.
But this morning was like all others ..only thing I dint have to catch a flight this friday !

I did my yoga - yes I did it too ! It was that normal. I am in my office right now  - the window facing big office room ..and I dont know what to do. Dont feel like taking puctures ..or giving away the good bye goodies !

Have I done it so many times that I have just gotten brutally used to it ? or is it something that happens to everyone after a certain point ?
Whatever , for now I can just say - that I ..have become comfortably numb !!
yeah from the  Pink Floyd. :)

Maktub

I just finished reading the Alchemist. The second time. And thank God I gave it another shot. Last time when I read it , it was a long 6 years back – when I thought I am all worldly and wise. Now I know , hardly did I understand the book then.

Back then , I felt it a complete waste of Santiago’s time in search of his treasure which he had finally to find where he started from and in the process mine .. waste of time I mean.

But today I am close to believing in the word “Maktub” … “its written” … You were meant to visit all the places you visited and are about to ..you somewhere already belonged to them …and the people ..you were destined to meet every single person u meet in life.

And that’s what makes the process – it was finding a treasure for Santiago , and leading the life for us… interesting !!

On the side note –Maktub doesn’t mean , you will get everything for free since its meant to be yours – no. It probably means that knowing its written , you should be able to be at peace with self in every moment of pain , fear , uncertainty and darkness. Because then you are aware that it is just a part of the process and well at the end it is all Maktub 

The year that was...!!!

Today I am a year ahead than what I was last year ...putting in simple words.. !
But also, I completed one year of coming here ..the US of A.
Years come and go…u live every year..every single day..some days are easy some very hard.., but whatever, years later , wen u think of any year in ur mind..there are so few things associated wd it… I mean , just imagine , u close ur eyes and think of an year say 2002 or 1995 ..every year has few signifgicant happenings..which marks the memory of that year but alas just at a glance.. So strange..u live it wd soo much of stress, and pain and struggle just to later realize that its gonna be not even a minutes worth of memory …as simple as flipping a page in a book..!

I hope this sudden realization will help me take things easy and not go bonkers over anything and everything I undertake..this year…

ps: I am back :)

Flying High

Strangely , I saw a bird flying in the sky …
Strange because it was raining…and extremely chilly..
even before the sunset it was unusually dark…
Standing at my window side, I watched it flying..

I wish I could talk with it..and know what was wrong…

Maybe, t’was in search of shelter or food ..
Maybe lost its way back home…
Maybe in search of a lost loved one…

Or maybe was it just the rains that made me so sulky

Maybe it was out to enjoy the rains….
Maybe to get wet and drenched…
Maybe celebrating life !
Or maybe it had just realized the strength of its wings…

Nevermind… !

Cuddling in my cozy bed I thought to myself..
Whatever it be… It was brave hearted…
Coz, it definitely needs courage to fly alone, in the rains….

I wonder...

On my way to school today , I met a squirrel….
A lil on the heavier side,

it looked at me and ran hastily…

Busy searching food…it winked at me
So tiny yet so brave…

I met a rabbit two steps ahead…
Seeing me , it hid behind the bush.. busy biting a “plum”
I stood there still to watch it yet again,

And slowly it peeped out as if to check me out..

So timid, yet so independent…

I smiled and moved ahead…
Then I saw a butterfly…

yellow colored sitting on the yellow flower..
I thought maybe even they "match" these days..

Now I am sure it noticed me , coz it flew n sat on the other flower..
So beautiful, yet so pure..

I crossed the road and then I saw..
So many vehicles with honking horns,

signal posts, and pollution around..
I wondered whteher it’s the same world?

A street across..
Yes it was…the same , yet so different…!!

मन म्हणजे स्वभाव नाही

स्वभाव ग्रंथातले सूत्र दुसरे तीसरे व चोवठे

माणूस जन्माला आल्यावर त्याच्या सोबत त्याचा स्वभाव जन्माला येत नाही मुलाचे रदने त्याच्या अस्मितेचे द्योतक व जनक असते। हसने हे मनाच्या बीज भावाचे द्योतक असते। तिथून पुढे मन हलू हलू उगवू लागते। मनाचे बाल शरीर ध्वनि आहे।

अस्मिता, मन , प्रकृति आणि सवयी याने स्वभाव जन्माला येतो आणि त्यावर बुधिचे आणि paristhithi che संस्कार होऊंन त्याचे स्वरुप घडविले जात असते।

आपला स्वभाव नीबर आहे अशी ज्यांची समजूत आसते तसाच त्यांचा स्वभाव अदिकाधिक नीबर बनत जातो अ ज्यांना आपला स्वभाव संक्रमानाशील आहे असा वाटता ते शेवट पर्यंत स्वभावाची घदन घडवतात। आणि आशयहाती यशाची गुरूकिल्ली भेटते।स्वभाव जर स्वयम्भू असता , किव्वा न बदलता येणारा असता तर नीति-अनीति छे पाठ , किव्वा बार वाईट समजावून संगन्याची गरज राहिली नास्ति। हा थोड्या प्रमाणात स्वभ्हाव बाह्य गोष्टींवर अवलंबून असतो। स्वभावाची घ्दन शेक्दा तीस टक्के परस्वाधीन तर शेक्दा सत्ता टक्के स्वाधीन असते।आज कित्येक सुन्द्न्यान्नासुद्धा "swabhaav" म्हणजे नेमके काय हे माहिती नसते।

मन परिणीत होऊ शकते, बुद्धि तल्लख करता येते, अन स्वभाव बदलता येऊ शकतो हेच कोणाच्या मुलात लक्षात येत नही। मनाचा बीज भाव हा शरीर धर्मं, प्रकृति, प्राप्त्वातावरण, परिसर, अस्म्मिता यातून प्रकट होते। जय गोष्टीतून मनाचा जन्मा होतो त्यांच गोष्टींचा परिणाम पण मनावर सारखा होतो। मन जसे जसे अदिकधिक वाधिस लागते, त्से तसे ते अधिकाधिक आघात प्रत्याघात्क्षम बनते। साधारण पाचव्या महिन्या पासून हा क्रम सुरु होतो ते शेवट पर्यंत चालतो। ह्या प्रमाने मन हे जन्मबरोबर जनमत नाही, ते मागाहून १-२ महिन्यांनी जन्माला येते आणि मन जन्माला आले म्हणजे खर्या अर्थाने मांसाचा जन्मा होतो

मन व परिस्थिति हयात आघात प्र्यताघाताचा क्रम सुरु होंयाताच आपण ज्याला स्वभाव ,म्हणतो त्याचा बीज्भाव निहित असतो।परिस्थितीचा मनावर होणारा नित्य परीणाम आणि मन परिस्थिथि वर करणारे प्रत्याघात साधारण एक सारखेच असतात -ह्या सतत चालु रहन्यार्य क्रम अआतुना मनुष्य स्वभावाचे बाल शरीर घडविले जाते । पुढे मन व शरीर ह्याचे साहचार्य सुरु होते। प्रथम मनाच्या सवयी प्रमानेशरीराला प्रेरणा मिलते आणि पुढे शरीराच्या सवाई मनाला प्रेरणा देऊ लागतात। उदा: लहानपणी मन शरीराला व्यायामाची/योगसनाची सवय लावता। पुढे जावून हीच शरीराची सवय मनाला प्रेरणा देत। नियमित व्यायाम झाला तर मन प्रसन्ना रहता अथवा आलाशी शरीर मनाला आल्शी बनवता
ह्या आशय अनोंन्य प्रेर्य प्रेरक भावातुना मनाची घदन घडते त्यालाच अपन स्वभाव म्हणतो।

मनुष्यअच स्वभाव महअनला की तो, त्याची प्रकृति , मन , बुद्धि, आणि सवाई -असा दर्शाविता येतो पण स्वभाव म्हणजे मन नाही व स्वभाव म्हणजे बुदधी ही नही, स्वभाव म्हणजे इतर दुसरे तीसरे काहीही नही। त्याच्यात मात्र सर्व कही येता।

तर swabhaavaachi घदन आणि जड़ना ही एक निरंतर प्रक्रिया आहे।

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