Brow woe !

Disclaimer – It’s a very girly post !! Guys – read at your own risk.

During Engineering years , I found every other girl surrounding me getting their eyebrows done. I would not really comprehend as to why would it be so necessary for somebody who has about 40 courses , 20 or so practical exams and god knows how many submissions and vivas to worry about. But no , in spite of of all these , they would really get bothered by that one hair out of sync with the rest of the brow line and spend hours in front of the mirror plucking it. Ofcourse it would not bother me since I had my nose and head dug deep into my record books.

Man – such a waste of time and money and why ? For all the pain !!

Honestly , my Dad was strangely against it. He would reason it saying that it gives your face an artificial look.

Anyway .. years ..and mind you many of them passed by. And here I was still in a pickle – to do or not to do. For my wedding , inspite of the beautician’s fervent requests and orders , I dint succumb to it. And “ said I-do” without doing the eyebrows.

So , are we still discussing it ? Unfortunately yes. Now that I have a job (finally my studies are over) , I kind of had a lot of time at hand and ofcourse with the car one day I thought of accompanying my friend to the beauty parlor here (Indian). And with a lot of hesitation finally got my eyebrows done.

Was it painful ?- Yes. Bearable ? – Yes. Worth it ? Donno. Coz I do not look miraculously beautiful or different – any other person might not even notice it.

Well so my dear readers – if one of you is in the same dilemma – then my suggestion would be –

If you want to get them done , just go ahead and do it – its not that big a deal (no – not life changing at all) and for those of you who do not want to get them done – well then don’t as its really not that big a deal :) 

P.S : By the way , this is 50 th post on the "Big Picture" !! Yayyy !!

Hi Me , its Me !!

Growing up with two sisters of more or less my age and a bunch of cousins , and then a lovely set of friends , I was never really alone even for a moment.  Meaning , be it a moment of fear / panic or excitement , or that cup of tea , be it travelling , studying , watching TV I was always with people around me.  Be it exams or birthdays , submissions or festivals , breakfast or dinner. Either with somebody actually or if not then atleast  over phone. It was only after I came to the US , that I came across those days when once in a while I got a lot of opportunities of solitude – or just being with self so to say.  But given the fact that I shared my room / apartment with 7 or 4 other girls , even that occurrence must have been rather rare.

Well , my point is until now , I never knew how it was to spend the time all by yourself. But now , after moving to Irvine , I am  experiencing that quite often infact most of the times.  I wonder when we are with someone , we always tend to entertain people around us , have some POV over something or the other. Now that I am left woth  a lot of time with self , I have realized , I do am a different person with people being around – not that I pretend to be good always –and you all know that J since most of the times I am not..  but I am for sure a different flavor.  And honestly , even though at times when always around people , you crave for that moment of solitude for whatever it is , its actually  good only until you get it.

Meaning how would you talk to yourself the entire day ? Or how would you tell a joke to you ? Or how would you fight with you ? I know there are hundreds of other things that you can do – read / write / watch / paint / sing / cook / exercise etc…. but I guess nothing beats talking your heart out.

The reason that I am finding it rather difficult could be since I am so used to sharing my room / staying with a bunch of girls that I have kind of become addicted to the long – absolute non-sense girls talk. :P

Anyway , for all of you who had a mind of their own from a very early stage in life would not really understand what I am trying to say here. So , well this past couple of months were spent with most of time with ofcourse  me – learning to do a lot of things alone.  From driving , to having lunch in the office, grocery shopping , exercise , cooking everything by myself – I have learnt to keep myself engaged enough that I am not left with much time to have this whole realization of living alone anymore.

After a lot of effort  when I thought I can be alone and njoy my own company one beautiful morning I opened the patio drapes for fresh air while having the hot tea is when I saw a pristine yellow rose burgeoning slowly – in my very own patio. I dint know it existed until then. And all this while I was thinking I was alone. Coming to think of it , there is  always life in everything around you , you just have to have enough awareness to acknowledge their existence and  be patient enough for it to bloom :) .. 

Here are the pictures for you :) 

Edited to add : I have a roomie now - and things are back to normal :)

All those who wander arent always lost !!!

A lazy day in a scorching summer once used to be - about eating countless mangoes , about lying on the bare floor to beat the heat and chit- chat for hours together – those sweet nothings !waiting for the “Geeta” ice- cream (for some reason , we used to call it ice-croat ) , plucking the chameli / aboli / paarijaat flowers and discuss the art of making gajras .. , dream of the combination and colors of the bangles you would pick next time the churi-wala comes .. ,oiling the hair and braiding them , waiting for Amma to finish her puja and apply the turmeric – sandal paste on our foreheads , waiting for the entire week for the Ramayana / Mahabharata episodes on the Television – DD :)  ..

There never was a hint of boredom even in the exact sameness of every single day – we were never short of enthusiasm / excitement / fun / creativity – such was the life !!

But this life had a sense of satisfaction – yes at that age I could feel it. No complaints , no expectations , no negativity. No fear , no boredom. There were problems – one of the major being no electricity for 12 hours a day – very famously known as load shedding – but for 12 hours – either day or night ! But that never was a problem – we had other thousand things to do – well more or less the ones that I mentioned above and in one of my previous posts “Rewind" ..

And back to" now " – life has changed diagonally . The hectic routine , living alone , changing jobs, changing places – “I just don’t change my wardrobe anymore – I change my city altogether” is what I can say actually !! Where one goal is achieved by creating the next one – where one idle day would be considered as time killing – where doing nothing has started to leave me with a huge guilt. Surviving in the new place , new job , eternal immigration laws/ forms/ status worries , traveling on every single weekend . Being on the plane would inspire me once – now its started killing me – one emotion at a time.

But this is all we dream about , isn’t it. But the most funny thing about dreams is – you realize you don’t want it anymore / or want something else the moment you get it. I am not complaining – believe me - I am just asking – is this a good place to be at.

Where you just want to be with your family and friends , your loved ones – but all you can do is finding the right time to manage to talk to them.

Change is good but how much change can your brain take ? Cant you have atleast a single day where all you do is nothing !!

On the side note- I am doing good. This space is just pouring out the emotions , right ? And I am going to make this place more honest , more me , more what I think and feel and rather than worrying about who could be reading it ! And , I am on one of those planes – which make me all of this – so bear with it :) !!!

Edited to add : I had written all of the above crap last week – and this week I am on another plane. Nothing really happened between these two flights –so to say – but still a lot has changed.

I could get to see the most splendid view ever through my window enroute SFO – and yes , this certainly is the best place to live (don’t believe me , go ahead and Google it ) – and if I cannot be happy here , then I can never be happy anywhere.

Well , not just that , but a call to Mommy Dear is a solution to all problems – actual , created and fictitious :)

Good Bye SD

Its the last working day at Qcom , San Diego.. a place I worked for over 6months now .. a city where I stayed in for over 6 months now.
But the memories - are so less..
I would still like to keep  that distant day wd M and A from our one day trip to SD in 2008 .. and thats the SD for me forever.

Why ? Lack of time .. with lot of work , the constant shuttling and moving places after every 2 months to get away from not signing the year long lease - the time just flew.
Yes , as we grow up , thats what we say often :) Time flies.

And work wise  - besides getting the glamour of the word QCom on my resume  -everything else was mundane ..
Yes , I met a lot of new ppl , i did draw inspiration from a couple of them , and yes I did learn.
But the excitement was missing - the first job's first day excitement , the first job's last day emotions are all long gone ..
No no - I am not stuck in a certain time warp or a place .. I did njoy my RA ship first day , co-op last day .. but with every transition - it just becomes a routine - with no strings attached.

I got up today morning - and I felt nothing ! Yes , I did check last night if I actually have the offer that I have , that I already sent out my resignation - did all that.
But this morning was like all others ..only thing I dint have to catch a flight this friday !

I did my yoga - yes I did it too ! It was that normal. I am in my office right now  - the window facing big office room ..and I dont know what to do. Dont feel like taking puctures ..or giving away the good bye goodies !

Have I done it so many times that I have just gotten brutally used to it ? or is it something that happens to everyone after a certain point ?
Whatever , for now I can just say - that I ..have become comfortably numb !!
yeah from the  Pink Floyd. :)

Target

3 Inches
4 Kgs
3 months

Are you with me  ?
I am going to add a link here later  - updating the progress and you can pour in your suggestions and questions :)

Maktub

I just finished reading the Alchemist. The second time. And thank God I gave it another shot. Last time when I read it , it was a long 6 years back – when I thought I am all worldly and wise. Now I know , hardly did I understand the book then.

Back then , I felt it a complete waste of Santiago’s time in search of his treasure which he had finally to find where he started from and in the process mine .. waste of time I mean.

But today I am close to believing in the word “Maktub” … “its written” … You were meant to visit all the places you visited and are about to ..you somewhere already belonged to them …and the people ..you were destined to meet every single person u meet in life.

And that’s what makes the process – it was finding a treasure for Santiago , and leading the life for us… interesting !!

On the side note –Maktub doesn’t mean , you will get everything for free since its meant to be yours – no. It probably means that knowing its written , you should be able to be at peace with self in every moment of pain , fear , uncertainty and darkness. Because then you are aware that it is just a part of the process and well at the end it is all Maktub 

Just the words !!

The dreams. The decisions. The dilemma. The mistakes. The hard work. The past. The fights. The tears. The laughters. The lost time and people. The ifs then and the buts now. The journeys. The places. The frustration. The past. The future. The endless worry. The compromises. The failures. The patience. The rat race. The life.

The hope !!!