Well-no title!

Actually, I am in a s-oo-per time crunch these days, managing term-end submissions , job and studies..but just squeezed in some time to scribble down this one..coz it’s something that has made me mighty proud of myself :)
This weekend , we finally decided to clean our place..after many weeks..coz trust me it was getting unbearable to stay in a dusty, dirty carpeted room ..wherein I saw a teeny tiny bed – bug…excuse me for this one, but I do get monica-esque hyper when it comes to them …we have spent our entire summer literally living in trash bags-courtesy that painstakingly time plus patience testing (and even blood-tasting) bed-bug treatment!!

So this Saturday saw our “lets do cleaning” energies at a very high level… only to realize that our dear (read expensive and new) vacuum cleaner had stopped working- It was actually working , but the “dust-bag” wasn’t getting filled up….It took a lot of analysis, study , unscrewing, testing, cleaning, screwing it(not the other one though) up for more than 2 hrs to finally make it work… :)

I have assembled, 2 big closets, shoe racks, table , chair etc (wd the help of some frnds) in the past couple of months.. This is a phase of growing up – in every sense..living independently, handling almost all the issues- big and small, studies and jobs, paying off ur bills(on time) , and standing this cold here (sorry folks, now this cold is gonna be an inherent part of my posts for the rest of the winter I guess :) ) where one day we get up to see our washroom filled with water (yes, trust me , here too) , the other sees our kitchen full of flies..(we do keep it clean :)) , where one day the water tub is clogged, and the other our balcony door doesn’t close wen the temp outside gets damn chilly…and I cant skip mentioning about the damaged door-knob of the washroom which had to undergo a replacement coz 'A' was locked in there and we ended up calling the emergency !!!

Aren’t all these things very petty … but even these small issues , though very insignificant, do make you feel happy at times when resolved …small things also have that ability…I was surprised infact! Wonder how this “sense of accomplishment” can have such a big spectrum wherein in the lower limit can be so infinitesimally small but more importantly –easy yet satisfying...As they say; Happiness you see is just a state of mind.

5-fast facts!!!

Five Things...small-big, noticeable-unnoticeable, after coming here, besides other important things:
1) Five things that I learned to use:

Blackberry-Bluetooth, GPS, Microwave oven, US style washing and drying machines and swipe a card for a travel in train/bus for local transportation besides many other things :)

2)Five states I saw:
Illinois, California, Pennsylvania, Indiana,Newyork (can say.. :p)

3)Five shopping malls that I hop a lot:
Macy’s, Kohl,Old Navy, JC Penny, Walmart

4) Five tings I learnt to adjust with:
French vanilla Coffee (7/11), Chai Tea Latte (Starbucks) , Doughnuts, Taqcuitoes, Cheetos

5)Five phrases/ words that I have started using often :
Dude
Gas station
Desi/ABCD/Amru/Makku/Chinki :)
Fish

Dollars/Dimes/Cents.. ofcourse :)

Enough right?..there would be many more such things that I would go on..and on..

But..but the things that I miss here….are ”innumerable” … :)

Faces and places …

Hooosh…yet another submission! Masters is, trust me, one tiring job…
The assignments, projects, submissions, mid-terms, presentations, then research work…everything ties you up so much...keeps u on your toes...all the time…!!As far as my memory allows me to go back ,in the past one year, I am always answering almost every call with a “I have a submission in some time..will definitely call u back..“
My sincere apologies for the same :)
I guess this is one real patience testing of all the near and dear ones, the family and frnds..
I feel extremely sorry about it, but guess cant help …probably the only easy solution is finishing off my masters ASAP :)

Its almost a lil over two months wd my new job as a research assistant…
And it’s been dreadfully hectic probably from day 1…
It’s just in the middle of waiting for some simulation run to get over that I suddenly turn around and look back only to realize the “getting used to” feeling of once all new faces…
How P,B,R,K,M,G who once surrounded my cube have suddenly replaced by Li, Feng, Min Soo, Hiacheng, Yu-chi, Wei (yeah, enough of flaunting remembering names.. ;)) …

And leaves a stirred feeling somewhere…
The usual coffee breaks, carom and Table Tennis, breakfast-lunch-snack routine is now completely replaced by coffee-at-desk, lunch-at-desk …where work was fun…
Where your not saying anything was enough for others to understand you has replaced by me looking into faces…staring at them...trying to figure out the words they are trying to say…break them up- try to form a sentence and derive some logical sense out of it.. Arrgh!! Nevermind..this is a very normal and healthy communication! Shoosh..

There’s no zing in the dip-dip tea anymore…that extra tea bag wont serve any better…

Yes I know it takes some time to get used to a new place, new schedule, new routine, new life..and if you ask me , its pretty easy…Infact what I have realized is that its easy in the beginning coz you are all set to explore new horizons, dive into new oceans of unpredictability, and the fact that moving into a new place keeps you so busy wd the first few days.. You end up having a feeling more of exertion and exhaustion …In the course of overcoming all the initial problems..You never realize how easily you blend with the new environment, routine, people …! But suddenly, at times, for no reason, you realize that you are amidst aliens...Or probably you yourself are an alien here...
But however hard you try, to try to adjust with new faces, you tend to miss those comfort giver faces…even more… with tons of sweet memories attached to every face...

I am unwillingly putting an end to this post before I take off yet another “free flight” to India …:p coz today I want to catch up with my long yearned sleep !!!!

Fall...

Everything is bloody silent…..The place seems as a no man's land…Sudden drop in temperatures and fall break would be the reason probably…. The only thing disturbing this non perturbing death silence was the crushing of leaves underneath my feet....yeah, it’s Fall and hence the place is completely laden with leaves..
Something’s so awfully weird with this Fall …everything is so colorful…yet not lively. Probably coz its cloudy most of the times…
Its probably the most beautiful season …as they say…entire tree wearing a colorful garb and then all of them making oh so lovely combinations and patterns as if dressed up for a party …but no…to me they all seemed dreadful…yeah , maybe tats the word and tats how I felt.. Everything’s silent…and not the silence tat is peaceful, or serene or even melodious…silence as if in a relationship..Not the one where everythingz conveyed without words, but the one in which there’s nothing much left to talk…dreadful!!!
I felt as if all the trees know that this beauty of their's is ephemeral and would soon fade away…its going to be short-lived… maybe they felt like the soldiers fighting a lost battle waiting for losing their lives…
They all are shedding their leaves …one by one…giving away to winters..
Where everything would be soon frozen…colors and time…literally…
I walk slowly so as not to disturb the silence looking at a worn out leaf twisting, swirling gently with the breeze on its way to reunite with the others...let me catch it and bookmark it forever .. After all it’s my first Fall!!

Flying High

Strangely , I saw a bird flying in the sky …
Strange because it was raining…and extremely chilly..
even before the sunset it was unusually dark…
Standing at my window side, I watched it flying..

I wish I could talk with it..and know what was wrong…

Maybe, t’was in search of shelter or food ..
Maybe lost its way back home…
Maybe in search of a lost loved one…

Or maybe was it just the rains that made me so sulky

Maybe it was out to enjoy the rains….
Maybe to get wet and drenched…
Maybe celebrating life !
Or maybe it had just realized the strength of its wings…

Nevermind… !

Cuddling in my cozy bed I thought to myself..
Whatever it be… It was brave hearted…
Coz, it definitely needs courage to fly alone, in the rains….

I wonder...

On my way to school today , I met a squirrel….
A lil on the heavier side,

it looked at me and ran hastily…

Busy searching food…it winked at me
So tiny yet so brave…

I met a rabbit two steps ahead…
Seeing me , it hid behind the bush.. busy biting a “plum”
I stood there still to watch it yet again,

And slowly it peeped out as if to check me out..

So timid, yet so independent…

I smiled and moved ahead…
Then I saw a butterfly…

yellow colored sitting on the yellow flower..
I thought maybe even they "match" these days..

Now I am sure it noticed me , coz it flew n sat on the other flower..
So beautiful, yet so pure..

I crossed the road and then I saw..
So many vehicles with honking horns,

signal posts, and pollution around..
I wondered whteher it’s the same world?

A street across..
Yes it was…the same , yet so different…!!

The Road Less Traveled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I—I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Yes,unfortunately, it still happens!!

It was raining heavily outside. Inside, the clk was ticking slowly…very slowly….second by second .Everything seemed so unbearable, as if its never gonna end..After slogging whole night yesterday, I dint see this coming…I was feeling numb…yet I kept telling myself that this will also pass….hold on…somehow!! At times, things are so unperceivable, however hard you try…I was trying hard, to concentrate on the rains outside… but that made the feeling inside still worse..
Some words…as if from some far off place kept falling on my dumb ears.. …..
Finally, the clock struck 5.30 pm…and the whole day ka (supposedly 9 to 4.30) lecture got over and instantly I became normal…suddenly every thing got back life :) !!

Success

Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. Courage is what counts. -Sir Winston Churchill
One thing that I have learnt from life is that it is one helluva roller coaster ride….full of bumps, of twists and turns, of highs and lows…all in one go!!!
Well, recently I hit a small set milestone and I am very happy about it… (I know it’s very much unlike me, I mean everybody who knows me knows the “dumb” reaction tat I give for everything, next to karve putala hopefully..;p)I know though the achieved goal is very small, its given me a confidence and reaffirmed my belief in “hard work”..Wanted to take a moment off –and analyze.
Looking back, I can amusingly notice that so far, I have never achieved a set target…well, on time I mean. And some of things, actually most of them are “time variant”…you want some things…but you want them “now”…you getting it at a later point of time actually takes away the excitement and satisfaction from it...and of course the sense of accomplishment.
Well, first day in the lab reminded me of my first day of job…dated 20th September 2004..the happiness that you get when you are assigned your desk, your desktop, your phone etc.
Yes, the excitement is still there…”to live each moment with the liveliness and curiosity of that of child and you will never grow old”.. (I made tat all by myself jlt..;) )
Jokes apart, yes I have to look forward.. make the most of this opportunity..,… work harder. I hope that form all the past failures, I carry forward the lessons and apply them in the most appropriate context.
I know, the journey so far wasn’t that all a cake walk..infact it was a series of hardships, tons of risks, n definitely hazy..coz no matter how much hard-work u put in, at times , that 1 percent luck-or no luck, just takes everything away..It wouldn’t have been possible without the unflinching support of my family and friends…I feel double lucky to have the best of them all with me… wen one door closes, there are many other un-noticed doors open…its upto you , whether you wanna spend time staring and cribbing over the closed one or grab onto the one that’s open and make the best out of it…
I know this isn’t a winning speech that I am making here…but the journey of thousand miles begins with a single step…it took a lot of strength to take that first step…
Getting way too philosophical, errrrr, never mind, success n failures make u one :p!!!

With another piece fitting in so exactly in my picture my times up of retrospection, I have set another short term goal…and lets see…how well I perform this time.

Here, I go !!!

Life

Vaishali, the name still lingers in my mind…the eyes still haunt me…its been 2 yrs , n I had enough reasons in life to forget her…but her face is still vivid in my memory. I m talking about a 3 and a half year old whom I met in samparc, an orphanage in Malavali, near Lonavala
We(our office group) could manage to go there 2-3times in our pint-sized attempt of spending some quality time with the kids …
we had a chance of meeting around 80 children…every child special in his/her own way…how we got the idea of visiting the place, how did we conduct the sessions there is not what I wish write here…

It’s there, where I met Vinayak, a boy studying in 4th grade…he sang the “powada” (its type of folk song sung in praise of Shivaji Maharaj) with pride …
Later that evening while on our way back, I had a chance of speaking with the concerned authorities. And the first question that popped up in my mind was about the know-hows of at least some of the kids…I simply couldn’t comprehend how could have “he” or “she” …actually almost all of them, land in there….
I wished I could get answers to few of my questions…But, the answers were appalling. I so very wished them to be far more different…or maybe they were far better unanswered. Nevertheless, they were all real!!!

Vinayak’s parents had committed suicide in front of him, when he was merely a kid studying in third grade… they avoided facing AIDS and preferred facing death …But what was Vinayak’s fault…he had to face it all for no mistake of his… the gruesome memory of which was still very clear to him…no doubt…he remembered it cut to cut..Scene to scene…date and time …and almost everything that could have happened that day…
A trauma for his entire life…but I will always remember him for the “powada” he sung…with pride, courage and confidence…

Vaishali – the youngest kid who was 3.5 yrs old and who was with the organization right from the age of 2 months…she had a phenomenal magnetism in her…she had big, dark black eyes! What was astonishing about her was the way she gelled with everybody…with ease… she hardly needed any introduction …you smile at her , and she will smile back at you stretching out her arm , her fingers sliding gently in yours…without even your realizing it…
Vaishali was an unfortunate daughter of a sex worker…who was left with no other option but to leave her at Samparc..

Then there were Baby (she had landed there from a remand home, nobody knows how she landed up there), Jayashree, Abhishek (proudly donning the name …since he shared it with his favorite actor Abhishek Bachhan) …
Every child had an heart wrenching story…and everybody was fully aware of their stories…But the best thing was this didn’t at all hinder their confidence – to live life , to enjoy life , to learn different things…Everybody came up with variety of ideas when asked to picture their imagination…
Their past did not stop them for thinking out of the box, did not limit them, their creativity. They all had a dream of who they wanted to become after growing up…and again it wasn’t a typical goody-goody answer but real answers…

I can go on and on…

I know there are so many vaishalis and vinayaks …
I am pretty sure that somewhere it would have been extremely difficult decision for their parents too...
Its sad that how can circumstances be so bullying that you have to take such ghastly decisions…
As an outsider, I feel connected to them in hardly 2-3 meetings, definitely it would have been the most painful moment for be it Vinayak’s parents or Vaishali’s Mother…

Or may be I don’t know…

Today almost two years later, I still remember them all, and also the promise that I had made to myself…..

While saying a good bye, I was thinking of what I can get for them the next time I visit, was just trying to remember everybody’s choices, hobbies…trying to figure out how maybe I can manage to get some funds from people I know who might help, or may be some nice clothes…etc…my thoughts were suddenly stopped by Baby, who with 3-4 other kids came running behind me calling out my name.. “Didi, we wanted to gift you something…and she gave me a beautiful hand made greeting card …with a message saying “thanks for spending time with us…do come again”…

मन म्हणजे स्वभाव नाही

स्वभाव ग्रंथातले सूत्र दुसरे तीसरे व चोवठे

माणूस जन्माला आल्यावर त्याच्या सोबत त्याचा स्वभाव जन्माला येत नाही मुलाचे रदने त्याच्या अस्मितेचे द्योतक व जनक असते। हसने हे मनाच्या बीज भावाचे द्योतक असते। तिथून पुढे मन हलू हलू उगवू लागते। मनाचे बाल शरीर ध्वनि आहे।

अस्मिता, मन , प्रकृति आणि सवयी याने स्वभाव जन्माला येतो आणि त्यावर बुधिचे आणि paristhithi che संस्कार होऊंन त्याचे स्वरुप घडविले जात असते।

आपला स्वभाव नीबर आहे अशी ज्यांची समजूत आसते तसाच त्यांचा स्वभाव अदिकाधिक नीबर बनत जातो अ ज्यांना आपला स्वभाव संक्रमानाशील आहे असा वाटता ते शेवट पर्यंत स्वभावाची घदन घडवतात। आणि आशयहाती यशाची गुरूकिल्ली भेटते।स्वभाव जर स्वयम्भू असता , किव्वा न बदलता येणारा असता तर नीति-अनीति छे पाठ , किव्वा बार वाईट समजावून संगन्याची गरज राहिली नास्ति। हा थोड्या प्रमाणात स्वभ्हाव बाह्य गोष्टींवर अवलंबून असतो। स्वभावाची घ्दन शेक्दा तीस टक्के परस्वाधीन तर शेक्दा सत्ता टक्के स्वाधीन असते।आज कित्येक सुन्द्न्यान्नासुद्धा "swabhaav" म्हणजे नेमके काय हे माहिती नसते।

मन परिणीत होऊ शकते, बुद्धि तल्लख करता येते, अन स्वभाव बदलता येऊ शकतो हेच कोणाच्या मुलात लक्षात येत नही। मनाचा बीज भाव हा शरीर धर्मं, प्रकृति, प्राप्त्वातावरण, परिसर, अस्म्मिता यातून प्रकट होते। जय गोष्टीतून मनाचा जन्मा होतो त्यांच गोष्टींचा परिणाम पण मनावर सारखा होतो। मन जसे जसे अदिकधिक वाधिस लागते, त्से तसे ते अधिकाधिक आघात प्रत्याघात्क्षम बनते। साधारण पाचव्या महिन्या पासून हा क्रम सुरु होतो ते शेवट पर्यंत चालतो। ह्या प्रमाने मन हे जन्मबरोबर जनमत नाही, ते मागाहून १-२ महिन्यांनी जन्माला येते आणि मन जन्माला आले म्हणजे खर्या अर्थाने मांसाचा जन्मा होतो

मन व परिस्थिति हयात आघात प्र्यताघाताचा क्रम सुरु होंयाताच आपण ज्याला स्वभाव ,म्हणतो त्याचा बीज्भाव निहित असतो।परिस्थितीचा मनावर होणारा नित्य परीणाम आणि मन परिस्थिथि वर करणारे प्रत्याघात साधारण एक सारखेच असतात -ह्या सतत चालु रहन्यार्य क्रम अआतुना मनुष्य स्वभावाचे बाल शरीर घडविले जाते । पुढे मन व शरीर ह्याचे साहचार्य सुरु होते। प्रथम मनाच्या सवयी प्रमानेशरीराला प्रेरणा मिलते आणि पुढे शरीराच्या सवाई मनाला प्रेरणा देऊ लागतात। उदा: लहानपणी मन शरीराला व्यायामाची/योगसनाची सवय लावता। पुढे जावून हीच शरीराची सवय मनाला प्रेरणा देत। नियमित व्यायाम झाला तर मन प्रसन्ना रहता अथवा आलाशी शरीर मनाला आल्शी बनवता
ह्या आशय अनोंन्य प्रेर्य प्रेरक भावातुना मनाची घदन घडते त्यालाच अपन स्वभाव म्हणतो।

मनुष्यअच स्वभाव महअनला की तो, त्याची प्रकृति , मन , बुद्धि, आणि सवाई -असा दर्शाविता येतो पण स्वभाव म्हणजे मन नाही व स्वभाव म्हणजे बुदधी ही नही, स्वभाव म्हणजे इतर दुसरे तीसरे काहीही नही। त्याच्यात मात्र सर्व कही येता।

तर swabhaavaachi घदन आणि जड़ना ही एक निरंतर प्रक्रिया आहे।

----------------------

krsna

I happened to visit an Iskon temple here yesterday...

Since it was Sunday, I planned my visit to match the bhajan timings.. This wasn’t my first time to Iskon though…long back , when in India , I had attended few of the discourses. And had participated in the rhythm of “hare krsna..” jaap…
I remember the weird feeling I had back then listening to the name of our own lord krishna in a very western accent.. that too by Indians..!! So much so.. that I had ended up asking a question as to why don’t you call out “Krishna”, “Rama” the way it is instead of “krsna”…n “ramo”….??The answer never convinced me though….

Years later, I was here in the huge santum sanctorum of the iskon temple… never knowing how I got to know about it and how eventually I was standing there…

After 15 min of discourse on 3 verses from Bhagvad Gita…the usual bhajan started…
“hare krsna…hare krsna…”

Gradually the spirits were up, moods were elated, without my noticing my hands started clapping to the tune, and…..everybody present was so engrossed in the melodius chanting of lord’s name…the entire ambience transformed into a blissful procession …everybody present had lost their ”being” into “Him” …happily singing and dancing without being conscious of who they are …may be that’s what they call it “krsna consciousness movement”….I cud see everybody praying to krsna, irrespective of cast , creed, color, religion…everybody..!! I could see the westerners dressed up in Indian attire, all the women draped in sarees , with the circle of vermillion on their foreheads.. Even while getting married out of one’s cast, in spite of true love, people have so much of apprehension…and these women were happily married to krsna’s religion….loving him selflessly …!!

All my questions were answered…krsna, by whatever name you call, will always mean the same… …carry the same sweetness, same depth and same bliss…tears rolled down my cheeks as I smiled back to the lord’s contented face tapping my feet to the tune, letting myself be completely “krsna-may” (being-krsna)

Hare krsna hare krsna, krsna krsna hare hare…
Hare rama , hare rama , rama rama hare hare!!!!

Independence day!!!!!

Its my first '4th July' in US… and I stand here in my aparatment witnessing the horizon filled with the grandiose fireworks….. I felt the same happiness which I always had on Laxmi puja in Diwali back home… the city was full of colorful lights… the fireworks were indescribable…making different shapes , different colors rising in different patterns…and receding slowly some like shimmering stars, others like comets…disappearing effortlessly…..
I was awestruck seeing them…
The entire city was twinkling…Sears Tower standing tall crowned wd blue and Red color….Independance day special…
It reminded me of all the memories associated with our very own 15th August ... the morning assembly and national anthem , flag hoisting and school drills….and the way everybody flaunted a tricolor….

Today independence means much more to me… independence of thoughts, of choice , freedom of taking my own decisions , financial independence…! And I feel I am independent in true sense today….
I can set my own goals, decide my own boundaries, break the rules that I once set for myself…, can fearlessly stand against all the shackles of hypocrisy, can think of choosing right from wrong….I can move on wd life withouts carrying any “ifs n buts” …..

Today this independence means so much to me and I value every bit of it… understanding that wd it comes the responsibilty ….responsibility of making right decisions….rationally, without any prejudices… without compromising on any of the values…. Responsibility of making every dream come true…

Happy Independence day to me!!!!!

I am in love….

Its been only 6 months in the city of Chicago and I already feel a part of it…The city breathes…
I came here in the peak of winters when it was snowing heavily…the temperatures reaching to freezing -29 to -30 degree Celsius…the first day I entered here I felt the chill wud make me die…I thot I took a wrong decision of shifting my base from my very own comfort zone…

I remember the tree barks though so thick skinned letting the cold dry them out …every tree looked so dead…not a single leaf…I had almost forgotten the colour- green!! My some of the classes wud get over at 9 pm. The first time I had to take the road back home was itself such a scary experience…..only 3 of us…on the loneliest streets ever in the most heavy snowstorm I had never even imagined of…the usual 7 min walk took us 45 min to reach our so called home…struggling our way against the dreadliest winds…for a moment I had thot tat I wud fly…

The days , though very short, seemed endless…..our only hope was summers…

The only relief we had was the place we were put up…a home away from home……12th floor of a 20 storeyed high rise… the college , studies, assignments , events, exams kept us quite busy and we some how survived the winters sipping our hot coffees watching the city change its colors…

Everything changed for better….sun peeped in pleasantly…and finally our snow jackets were in… slowly the city revealed its true colors …it suddenly seems so lively everywhere…the city has its own beauty …the skyline- includes structures like sears, Hancock, Water tower and many more.. downtown, places like magnificent mile, millennium park, planetorium, museums…navy pier ..the lakeshore, lake each n every place gives you a different feel…is full of life…

I can see the downtown from my apartment…n I see it daily…I see it in the mornings and in the evenings… our coffees taste so good now…with the downtown view on one side and the lake on the other…every time I see it , I want to see it more…the unpredictability of the weather – at times rainy, n again sunny in a flick of time …will swing ur mood wd it as well …...

Omigod…I am absolutely in love with Chicago!!!!!!!